So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
...so i touched it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
