oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The air was thick with penises
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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