it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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