i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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