Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
