I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
