sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
