Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
