I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the night ended with taco bell and tears
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
