she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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