So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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