This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize