If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
