How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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