You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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