You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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