Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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