I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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