My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
