Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
