Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize