Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
