On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
