call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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