There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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