he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
