I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In other news, I just burned my penis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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