Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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