Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
