I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
