im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
