Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
