you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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