he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
