i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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