I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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