so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
