what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
