If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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