you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
