He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
