how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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