separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
