my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Come see our sink grown plant.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize