It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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