I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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