i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
