love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
