It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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