i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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