He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
