with your own penis?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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