Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
