My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
