he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize