I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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