best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
