nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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