I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need water and some morals
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
