you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
