Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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