Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
