first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
