He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
