You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
