I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
