here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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