Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
