She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize