drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
