saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
