Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
