Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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