Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
